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Sidebar:  It's been so long since I have posted on this blog, I couldn't even remember the web address to get to it 😁

Today marks the close of National Infertility Awareness week.   I have known about this week for the past couple years. I usually just let it pass and I haven't posted in the past about it, not because of embarrassment or secrecy... but more  because of fear of looking like I was drumming up sympathy or pity.  Inspired by others who have shared... I decided not to pass on sharing too and to help bring awareness. 

 I decided to share my story for a few reasons.   First, to let others know that I am more than willing to answer questions and share my experiences.  I do not usually come right out and share my infertility... I find it awkward to lead a conversation with "oh by the way...I struggle with infertility"... but am more than happy to talk about it if anyone just asks. I know one of the reasons there is a National Infertility Awareness Week, is because many times the topic of infertility seems taboo... and it would be nice for that to change.   

Also, and mainly, I share because  I know through my journey I have found great comfort in reading the experiences of other couples struggling with infertility, so if my story can be that comfort to even just one...then this post will have met it's purpose. 

So let me start way back... like back to the summer of 2004, right after my high school graduation.   My best friends and I went up to send a weekend at my friend's cabin.   We enjoy reflecting on high school, savoring our time together before separating to different colleges, and discussing our futures.   We decided it would be fun to make a time capsule and come back for it later and see how much we had changed.   In that time capsule we made predictions about each other and where our lives would go.   According to ALL of us, we knew that me, the token Mormon girl, of the group would be the first to marry and have kids.  I wholeheartedly believe this prediction.   Well fast forward a few years later and I was married!  We were right... or so I thought.  I could check the "married first" box.   But the "have kids first" box did not get checked by me... I haven't even checked the "have kids" box yet.  

Well Chris and I enjoyed our newlywed bliss, graduated college, moved to Washington, where I got my first teaching job! Life was pretty much how I had planned.  Chris then got in to podiatry school in California, so we moved down there, where I substitute taught for a bit.   We decide that this would be the time to start trying to have a family.  Well... easier said than done.  

After months of trying on our own, we decided to see the world of medicine could help.   At first I was met with resistance... one nurse even told me "you're so young, who cares if you get pregnant right now, you've got plenty of time" (this is the EXACT WRONG thing to say to someone struggling with infertility!).  I had to beg my doctor to even let me try Clomid.  I had high hopes that Clomid could be the miracle pill for me, since it had help many others I knew.  We continued trying on our own and used ovulation tracking and so forth.   Still no luck.

 We moved quite a bit, which meant starting over with new doctors, which slowed  our fertility care down. Also, my crazy body decided to grow many cysts, which either ruptured or grew ginormous (even a cancer scare in there too) and had to be removed. So that of course slowed things down also. During this time a doctor finally gave me the diagnosis of endometriosis.   I'll give you the rest in cliff notes versions...  

• few rounds of clomid
• countless ovulation tracking/testing
• hundreds of ultrasounds
• 1 laproscopic surgery to clean up ruptured cyst
• an 11 cm cyst removed through large incision in belly (similar to c-section)
• 3 HSG tests (beleive it or not have been some of the most painful parts)
• 2 sonohysterograms
• 1 egg retrieval with a fresh embryo transfer (IVF)
• 3 more frozen transfers 
•  1 week long stay in the hospital after becoming septic becuase I had gotten e. coli in my peritoneum which we think was  introduced through a small hole made from my egg retrieval. This lead to a LONG recovery for months. 

So now here we are... 11 years into marriage and about 8 years of trying to conceive.  Back to my high school time capsule... I did not get to check the box off for having kids first out of my group of friends.   To be honest I think a few of them might have a second before I have a first.   Now don't get me wrong... I am SOOO happy for my friends and their kids are all beautiful.  I NEVER EVER want my friends to feel like I am not excited for their pregnancies and kids... because I am!  It is just not where I thought my life would be at 31 years old.  

Currently we are looking to do another round of IVF with our new doctor in Seattle sometime soon. To be honest though, we've had to move slowly to deal with stressors at work and to prepare financially.   One thing I know for sure... INFERTILITY IS EXPENSIVE!

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But the real reason I wanted to write this is to also write about all the blessings that have come through infertility.  Some have come easier than others, but I am grateful for it all.   I have been blessed to get to have some wonderful adventures with just my husband. I also, have gotten influence and be influenced by hundreds of students that I have gotten to teach the past 9 years that I probably wouldn't have gotten to if I had kids right away.   I have 16 wonderful nieces and nephews who I get to be aunt to.  Chris and I have learned how to support each other through tears, sickness, and heartache.   I've learned about and been strengthened by many others who have faced similar trials.  I've learned never to judge others, since many trials we face are invisible to others.  

The main blessing that has come is that I have been able to strengthen my relationship with my Savior and my testimony of His love and atonement.  I know that my Savior is aware of my pains, heartaches and trials. He is there for me and can help support me through the hardest times.   

 My favorite story in the scriptures is when the Lord lightens the burdens on the Nephites backs in Mosiah 24 in the Book of Mormon.  God doesn't remove the burdens from them, just like the burden of infertility hasn't been removed from me, but he does lighten the burden. I have felt the lord "lightening" my burdens. He has given me greater faith through this trial and blessed me with patience and positivity (most of the time😁).    

I have learned to TRY to trust in God's timing and plan for me.   I have faith in this plan and I know I will be a mother someday. 

So if you've read through my blabbering this far... here is my takeaway for you.  If you ARE struggling with infertility, I hope maybe you have found some comfort.  Keep positive, but know that it's okay to be sad sometimes.  Surround yourself with supportive people.   If you KNOW someone struggling with infertility (chances are you do... since it's 1 of 8), be there for them.   One thing I have learned is that everyone handles infertility differently.   So the support you give to one friend struggling with infertility, might be different than what another friends needs.  Usually we just want a listening ear... not to be fixed or advice.But regardless, just let them know you love them, pray for them, support them, and are there for them.   

Thank you to the many friends and family who have been our SUPPORT!  We love you and appreciate you!  So here's to the future... whatever it may hold!